


Pronouns

by OffColorDarkrai



Series: Language Barrier [1]
Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Holoforms (Transformers), Humor, Language Barrier, Mikaela is the only sane one, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Parent Optimus Prime, Parent-Child Relationship, no beta we die like men!, protective Ironhide, schoolhouse Rock references, translation errors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:49:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23971102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OffColorDarkrai/pseuds/OffColorDarkrai
Summary: The humans request the bots show off their holoforms. The bots oblige, and in the process reveal a severe cultural oversite."You never told us…?!""Honestly, we thought you knew…"
Relationships: Bumblebee & Optimus Prime, Ironhide & Optimus Prime
Series: Language Barrier [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1779562
Comments: 12
Kudos: 184





	Pronouns

"So let me get this straight," Lenox huffed, clearly both confused and irritated. "You guys, besides turning into cars, trucks, and who knows what else…"

"Yeah?"

"You guys can also access and create a hologram…"

"Holoform."

"Yes, that, which you use to interact with much smaller species."

"Yes, that's exactly what I just said."

Lenox sighed almost tiredly.

"And you didn't bother to tell anyone because?"

The large, dangerous looking man standing in front of him shrugged.

"You didn't ask."

Lenox face-palmed as groans sounded behind him. Sam, Mikaela, and Epps were all standing there, having been in the middle of a sort of human-of-alien-companion get together, laughing about stupid things, when Lenox had felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see the man they were now practically interrogating standing there.

"Hide, how are we supposed to know to ask something like this?" Lenox reprimanded his family guardian, because apparently that's who it was.

Ironhide shrugged, not really seeming to care.

"I don't know. Optimus keeps telling me you humans are smarter than I give you credit for, so…"

Lenox resisted the urge to face-palm again, spotting Sam doing it out of the corner of his eye instead. Ironhide had startled them all when he'd appeared, nonchalantly asking what the humans had been laughing about. The voice had been unmistakably his; otherwise Lenox might have pulled his side-arm on the 'man'. He was still surprised, his mind having quite some difficulty wrapping around the fact an over 25 foot tall robot truck had somehow turned into one of the 'squishies' he was not exactly thrilled with protecting.

Unconsciously Lenox started to take in the appearance of the holoform in front of him, as if that would calm his reeling mind.

Hide's holoform had given him quite a jump when he'd first spotted it. It was big, bulky, and incredibly dangerous looking. He stood at about 6'1" and was dressed mostly in black, with muscles upon muscles showing quite clearly through his clothes and wrapping up his thick neck. He face had a rather prominent jaw, a nose that looked like it had been flattened at least once, several scars, and Autobot blue eyes. His hair was cut in a traditional military style, only spiked up slightly on top. His skin was tanned, what parts of it they could see anyway, and also riddled with scars. He wore a long black jacket over the same color t-shirt, dark jeans, and heavy black boots. He looked, in Lenox's honest opinion, like a darker, possibly scarier version of the terminator.

Ironhide looked back and forth between the humans who were all staring at him like he was some exhibit, his features dropping into a scowl as he did so.

"What?!" He demanded impatiently.

"It… it looks so you." Mikaela told him, apparently being able to grasp the situation much quicker than the males.

Ironhide smirked, the expression much easier to read now that his face wasn't made of metal; he appreciated the human female's obvious approval of his form.

"Of course it does." He snorted haughtily. "A holoform is a direct representation of the bot that projects it. We can alter it to look like something, or someone different, like when we require drivers, but direct representation is the easiest."

The others finally snapped out of their surprised stupor as Hide spoke. Epps glanced up and down the Autobot's form, appraising it.

"She's right. Hide you look like a walking tank."

Ironhide grinned, a very dangerous grin, but still a grin.

"Where'd you stash the truck?" Lenox asked. While he was fascinated with the thought of a human Ironhide, the Autobot was also Lenox's only ride home.

Hide gestured vaguely behind him at the form of the gigantic black GMC Topkick parked against one of the warehouse walls.

"Our holoforms can't move too far from our true forms, and often times we can only manifest them while in alt-mode." He explained.

"So, can… can all of you do this?" Sam finally bucked up the courage to ask, his curiosity shining in his eyes.

"Didn't I just tell you that?" Ironhide grumbled, mildly irritated. "Yes, all cybertronians can form holoforms, even Decepticons. _They_ don't like to do it because they see you squishies as inferior. All of the Autobots have them, even Optimus, we just don't use them that often..."

"Can we see?"

Ironhide blinked at the sudden interruption, catching sight of the slightly eager look starting to form in the humans' eyes. Humans, he thought, were more curious than hatchlings; they always had to know everything. He opened his mouth to form some sort of reply, when the sound of heavy steps echoed around the warehouse.

Everyone turned to watch the other three Autobots walk in, all of them forced to duck to fit beneath the doorframe before righting themselves. Ratchet was in front, followed closely by the bright yellow form of Bumblebee. Optimus was the last to enter, seemingly having followed the others out of simple curiosity, standing behind the others with arms folded in resting position. They all looked down at the group of humans, then at their companion standing there gazing up at them.

"Ironhide, you're in holoform…" Ratchet commented, looking at the tiny version of the Autobot weapons specialist. "I don't think I've seen you in holoform since we landed on this rock. Is something the matter?" His natural medic instincts slowly came online as he watched Ironhide shrug him off and point at the humans.

"Nothing's wrong with me Ratchet. The humans were doing something and I simply decided to investigate. Prime told me to stop scarein' all the squishies all the time, so I did this…" He gestured at his holoform. "Didn't exactly work though."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean apparently the humans didn't know we could create holoforms." Ironhide actually sounded offended at the human's lack of knowledge. "They've been badgering me with questions for the past few minutes, and now they want to see everyone else's holoforms too."

"Really?" Ratchet looked bewildered at the request, as if he couldn't fathom why the humans would want to see something like that. Bee, who'd come up behind him, was practically jumping up in down with muted excitement, grapping Ratchet's shoulder and shaking it, as if saying 'can we, can we please?!'. When Ratchet lightly shook him off Bee turned instead to Optimus, doing a very good impression of what the humans knew as 'the puppy-dog eyes'. Optimus glanced at Bee's antics, taking a moment to think it over, before nodding, sending Bee practically dancing with glee.

"I see no reason to not show our human allies the holoforms." Optimus reasoned, earning a small cheer from Sam, and large smiles from the rest of the humans.

"Okay, so who's going first?" Mikaela called up to them, giggling as Bee switched from dancing to jumping up and down with his servo raised.

"I'd like to see Ratchet's." Epps said, looking up at the Autobot medic and trying to imagine what the gruff Rescue Hummer would look like.

Ratchet nodded his acquiescence as Bee let out a long, sorrowful noise of disappointment.

"Don't worry Bee, you can go next." Sam walked up and patted the Camaro on the ped, trying to be heard over the sound of Ratchet starting his transformation sequence.

Bee's optics tilted up in a reassured smile as Ratchet completed the transformation to alt mode and a loud zapping noise could be heard from the Hummer's cabin. Everyone watched as the shape of a man materialized behind the slightly tinted glass, before the zapping noise stopped and the Hummer's driver side door swung open, allowing Ratchet's holoform to disembark. Once both feet were on the ground the door slammed shut and Ratchet rotated to face the company of humans.

He was around Ironhide's height, though possibly shorter, with a well-toned body and significantly less scars to be seen on his lightly tanned skin. He had a strong square jaw, his mouth turned down into a small frown, and a pair of eyes almost identical to Ironhide's behind silver rimmed glasses. His hair wasn't up in Ironhide's military style, but cut in a professional way, with shocks of grey finding their way throughout. He looked to be in his late forties, possibly early fifties, but stood like someone much younger. He was wearing an open white coat over a mint green scrub-shirt that appeared to have a small Autobot symbol stitched into the front pocket. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his pants, and he had a pair of brown work boots on his feet. He stood straight, his wide shoulders back as he let the humans go over his appearance, peering back at them over the tops of his glasses.

"Well…?"

"I was pretty close to my guess." Epps admitted, grinning over at the others. "Definitely Ratchet, wouldn't you say?"

The others agreed, Mikaela even gave Ratchet a thumbs up.

"Nice job Doc." She smiled, her other hand on her hip.

Ratchet just grunted, but a smile was tugging at his holoforms lips.

"Okay, Bee, You're up!" Sam told his guardian, watching the youngest Autobot's optics absolutely light up at being told it was now his turn.

Bee buzzed some reply as he folded down, something the humans didn't catch but caused Ironhide to chuckle.

"Easy kid, don't rush!" Hide told him, the zapping of a holoform forming echoing in the air again.

There was another beeping, buzzing reply as the door to the Camaro was flung open and out slid Bee's holoform, performing a kind of spin maneuver as he did so. Holoform Bee finished his spin with a small pose before holding his arms out wide for the humans to see.

Bee's holoform looked to be about Sam and Mikaela's age, maybe younger, with wide, expressive blue eyes and a massive grin. His hair was golden blond and incredibly messy, hanging down around his ears and sticking up in some places like the audial horns on his helmet. He had a very small smattering of freckles across his nose, adding to the overall youthful appearance. He was thin, but well-muscled, the perfect body type for a scout. He had on a pair of black skinny-jeans, a silver-grey shirt, and a bright yellow and black leather jacket, complete with a huge red Autobot Symbol splashed across the front of his shirt. On his feet he wore black running shoes with yellow and grey highlights. His skin was light and, like the others, decorated with a couple scars here and there, especially a large, angry red patch covering his throat.

Bee bounced up and down on the balls of his feet, waiting for the humans' reaction, his wide grin never faltering for a second.

The others couldn't help but laugh at his excited, youthful expression.

"Yep," Sam nodded, forcing down a chuckle unsuccessfully. "That's Bee alright."

"He's so cute." Mikaela chimed in, causing Bee to blush violently and his grin to grow wider.

"Fits my guess-timation exactly." Epps nudged Lenox, who was laughing whole heartedly at the bouncy Autobot scout.

"You're right." Lenox choked, trying to get a hold of himself, only to collapse right back into laughter as Bumblebee began to pose, pop music filtering from his alt mode's radio.

Everyone watched the scout showing off for several minutes, the humans practically rolling on the floor with mirth, while the Autobots smiled at their youngest member's ridiculous antics.

Finally Bee quit with the posing and the dance moves, allowing the humans to at least try to rein themselves in, leaving them gasping for air.

Sam had his arms behind his head, trying desperately to fill his depleted lungs without starting to laugh again, looking over at the Autobots as he did so. The holoform Autobots were all congregating near Ratchet and Bee's alt-modes, smirking to themselves at the humans floundering for air. Their commander stood way above them, vibrant blue optics fixed on the proceedings. Optimus was the only Autobot left to show them his holoform, and Sam was already trying to imagine what it could possibly look like. As he ran through the possibilities in his head, however, another thought occurred to him, causing him to glance over at the three Autobot holoforms still watching the humans.

"Hey, did Jazz have a holoform?" He asked, feeling a slight pang in his chest at the mention of the deceased Autobot's name. He may not have known him long, but the silver Autobot had still managed to make an impact on his mind.

The other Autobots looked to experience a similar ache, each of them lowering their heads and flinching a little as the saboteur's name was said, before the blink of sorrow ended and their demeanors returned to their usual states, with Ratchet acknowledging Sam's question to the affirmative.

"Yes, Jazz had a human holoform. He never really had a chance to utilize it for its intended capacity, but I did catch him testing it during a point where you were not with us. Hold on a moment, I believe I recorded it…"

A set of brilliant blue lasers erupted from the headlights of the parked Hummer, startling the humans a little, reminding Sam and Mikaela of how Optimus had done something similar when explaining their history. The beams of light condensed, 'growing' from the ground up into a form that was somewhere between the size of Bumblebee and the size Ratchet. It didn't look solid or substantial like the others, this was simply a hologram not a holoform, but it did allow the humans and bots present a good view of what the fallen Autobot's holoform had looked like.

Bright, dazzling white teeth flashed from a roguish smile, his eyes hidden underneath a set of neon blue wrap around shades that mimicked the visor on his robot form. His skin was dark and his hair was cut close to the scalp in an incredibly fashionable style. He was more muscled than Bee, but nowhere near Ironhide's level, and his clothes were all primarily in silver. A silver jacket over a black shirt, silver-grey pants, silver shoes, and a silver chain hanging from his neck, ending in a dull silver Autobot symbol medallion that rested over the place where his heart would have been were he human. He was style, he was class, and he looked so much like himself, down to the last detail, that it caused Sam to swallow thickly and Mikaela had to fight to hold back her tears. Even Lenox and Epps, who hadn't really known the silver Autobot, were finding themselves choking up a little, the image before them conflicting with the one of a twisted, mangled robotic corpse briefly flickering in their minds.

There was a moment of unofficial silence for the fallen warrior, during which no one dared move or make a sound, before Ratchet decided this was enough and shut off the hologram.

"Alright!" Lenox exclaimed, trying to get them all on to a less depressing topic. "We have one bot left. Optimus, it's your turn. Show us what you've got."

Everyone perked up, both the humans and Autobots eager to see what the Prime had in store for them. Optimus acknowledged what Lenox had said with a nod, stepping forward and calmly transforming into the massive, flamed Peterbilt that had become so endearingly familiar. The process ended as Ironhide and the other Autobots walked around to join the humans in watching their leader's holoform materialize, the customary bright lights flickering to life inside the cabin of the truck, partially dimmed by the darkened windows that obscured their view. All of the humans watched intently, waiting for the light to stop, all the possible forms the leader of the Autobots might take bouncing rapidly around their brains. The other Autobots' forms had been relatively simple to guess if you knew them, their personalities; their general manners so to speak, but with Optimus it wasn't that simple. Though they were a bit ashamed to admit it, none of the humans really had a good grasp on Optimus personally. Sure they'd seen the Autobot leader in battle, or talking to the others, but for some reason or another none of them had gotten to know the Prime the way they had with the others.

The lights in the cabin came to a stop and silence filled the air, all eyes on the truck. None of the humans dared to even breath, the anticipation so thick it could be cut with a knife. The semi's door opened and a pair of brown steel-toe cowboy-style boots thumped on the ground as Prime's holoform climbed down from the cabin. Optimus' form came more into view as a surprisingly thin hand rested on the door, closing it firmly but gently, revealing a sideways view of the Autobot leader.

Lenox raised an eyebrow; not quite what he'd expected. The whole congregation couldn't see much, but what they could see had Lenox a bit confused. He'd expected Optimus to come out wearing some sort of military uniform, something that marked him as the commander he was, but instead the Prime wore faded blue jeans over brown boots and an open, and a little large, red and blue faux leather jacket. He was tall, but thinner than Lenox anticipated. There was a greyish-silver bandana pulled up over half the Prime's face, a representation of the battle mask, and his hair was longer, not the sharp military cut Lenox had imagined. The audial fins were still there, but had been slyly made to look like a pair of custom headphones.

He looked far more laid-back, more casual than Lenox could have believed. He glanced over at the other Autobots, catching Ironhide's eye as he did so. The Autobot turned to him, apparently noticing his human companion's confusion.

"Optimus isn't one to be overly ostentatious." He said, nodding a bit at his leader. "Says it's uncomfortable; the whole point of a holoform is to blend in, and Optimus prefers to be seen as relatable, not some god-head."

Lenox could see it, from what little he knew of Optimus, looking at the holoform in a different light as Ironhide called out to the Prime.

"How does it feel, sir?"

Optimus looked over at them, one hand coming up to tug down the bandana as the holoform moved away from the truck and began to walk over to the group, a small smile being revealed as the bandana dropped.

"Well enough Ironhide, well enough, though it is strange to be so small for a change." Optimus stopped in front of the group and Ironhide smirked.

"True, I feel absolutely puny; don't know how the squishies manage it." Ironhide teased, looking over at the humans to see their reaction to his jibe.

None of them were paying attention to him, however, staring instead at the Autobot leader's holoform. Their jaws were hanging open and eyes practically bugging out of their sockets in what was possibly the purest expression of shock Ironhide had ever seen. He looked at his leader, then back at the humans, as did the other Autobots, not understanding the humans' reaction.

"What is the matter?" Optimus asked, face showing concern at the rather strange response.

The humans didn't seem capable of answering. Mikaela just kept staring, Epps' mouth was opening and closing like a startled fish, and Lenox looked like he was struggling to answer the question when Sam, who had the biggest expression of shock out of the four of them, suddenly blurted out…

"Holy crap! Optimus is a chick!"

Now it was the Autobots' turn to look surprised, all of them giving the human teenager a very confused look.

"Optimus is a what?" Ratchet questioned, not grasping the human term.

It was Lenox who answered, Sam having gone back to staring.

"Chick is a slang term some human males use to describe a girl or woman." He explained, earning several understanding nods from the Autobots.

"Alright. So what's the problem?" The Autobot Medic looked only mildly less confused, looking between his leader and the humans.

"I think Sam wants to know why the heck Optimus' holoform looks like, well… _that_!" Epps exclaimed loudly, interrupting whatever answer Lenox was trying to give with a wild gesture at the red and blue Autobot.

Now that the Prime was facing them it was very, very clear to see some of the more defining features that had been hidden by the slightly over large jacket and the sideways view. The jacket itself opened to reveal a strong, but slender curved figure in a plain grey T-shirt with a bit of a low-slung neck line that highlighted certain, um, _qualities_ , and allowed a glimpse of the top of the Autobot symbol, tattooed over the area of the heart. The neck was slender, the face, previously hidden, was aristocratic; the features wouldn't have been out of place on a member of the royal family. Any royal family. Slightly wavy locks of dark hair that could have been black but looked blue, framed the face, cutting off just below the 'ears'. Semi-full lips, strong cheek bones, thin, dark eyebrows, and vibrant, shining blue eyes made up the visage, while scrolling, alien text resembling henna tattoos bordered the forehead and swirled down across the cheeks. It looked like a crown or diadem, further accenting the aristocratic air. Scars and other cybertronian markings warred for space across the rest of the pale skin, terrifying and beautiful at the same time. He, er, _she_ stood straight backed, at least 6'6", muscular structure solid, making her look like a female MMA fighter. The holoform shifted, the Prime blinking at the humans.

"I do not understand." Optimus said, the usual booming baritone replaced by a calm, but no less intimidating sounding alto. Every time _she_ spoke a chill shuddered through Lenox's body at the unfamiliar sound.

"You are wondering why Optimus is… female?" Ratchet asked, unsure, trying very hard to unravel the confusion.

Ironhide was just getting irritated by it.

"Of course Optimus' holoform is female," He groused, rolling his eyes. "Optimus is a femme!"

_That_ caused a spluttering, choking sound to come from Sam, drawing everyone's attention.

" _Oops, I—think you—broke—him …"_ Bumblebee's radio noted, the holoform scout giving his friend a worried look as Mikaela tried to get Sam to calm down. Lenox just stood there, frozen, while Epps began to gesture again, clearly trying to rationalize what they'd just been told.

"Hold on, hold on! Femme? Is that, like, a _girl_ Cybertronian?"

"Yes." Ratchet nodded slowly, as if speaking to a child. "You have males and females, we have mechs and femmes. Ironhide, Bumblebee, and myself are examples of mechs, while Optimus is a femme."

"But, but you call him Sir?" Lenox snapped out of his stupor.

"It was one of the closest English translations we could find." Ironhide shrugged. "Optimus liked it better than the other options."

"What were the other options?"

"Your majesty, your holiness, your eminence, my liege, the list goes on." Ironhide ticked the names off on his fingers.

"Your majesty?" Mikaela left off attending to Sam to glance at Optimus. "I thought Optimus was just your commander."

All the Autobots shook their heads.

"No… well yes, by definition Optimus is our commander, but that's only part of it. Optimus is a Prime, the title of the rightful sovereign ruler of our planet and our people." Ironhide explained, obviously proud of his words. The other Autobots muttered their agreement while Optimus turned her head away, clearly uncomfortable.

"But—but…" Sam stuttered, having recovered somewhat and intent to get back on topic. "But you called Optimus a he, anytime you talk about him you say he!"

Ratchet gave the human teenager a strange look.

"Yeesss…" He drew out the word. "Isn't that a term all you humans use when speaking of each other, to distinguish yourselves from objects?"

"That's only for guys!" Sam did not appear well, his mind spinning a bit too fast to form a good explanation.

"Pardon?"

Lenox, who was one of the only ones besides Mikaela who had gotten himself mostly under control, held up a hand to the others. They needed to clear things up now before poor Sam had a heart attack, or before the Autobots became so confused that they (they being Ironhide) decided that squishing a few of them might make everything easier. Lenox opted to be the one to try and ease the obvious cultural oversight, his mind already spinning with answers to the questioning looks being shot his way by the resident aliens.

"I got this." He sighed. "Anabelle has been watching a lot of Schoolhouse Rock lately so I think I can come up with a good enough explanation."

Epps snickered, but Lenox ignored him, drawing the surrounding Autobot's attention.

"Look, guys, there's this thing called pronouns we humans use so we don't have to be constantly saying other peoples' names and stuff all the time. It essentially replaces a noun in speech. We're lazy like that. There are a few different types, but the main ones we use are Male _and/or_ Female. Male pronouns are he, his, and him. _Female_ pronouns are she, hers, and her. Get it? There are more, I think, and also some gender neutral ones too, but I don't think I can specifically pinpoint all of them." Lenox tried to make sure they got what he was saying. "So if your mechs are males then they are hes, and if femmes are females they are called _shes_ , yeah?"

It took a moment, but the Autobots looked to understand, although, just in case, Bee decided to play the Pronoun song from Schoolhouse Rock through his speakers, loudly. Everyone cringed and covered their ears at the loud, slightly obnoxious music. Ironhide growled, hands over his ears as he rushed the scout, shouting

"Turn that awful racket off!"

The noise cut immediately as a high pitched shrill sound escaped the Camaro who ducked out of the way of the incoming weapons specialist, scampering quickly to hide behind Optimus, peeking from around the Prime. Optimus looked surprised at first, but the expression quickly turned to one of amusement, the small scout practically trying to make himself invisible behind her larger frame.

The humans had been watching the almost scuffle, eyes following the black and yellow blur as he rushed to avoid the man-tank barreling at him, tracking his mad rush for safety with a sort of curiosity until the view of the scout was blocked by red and blue. For some reason seeing the Prime's holoform chuckling lightly at her youngest team member and trying to calm the irate Ironhide, suddenly caused Sam to shake his head in vehement denial, unable to process or believe what he was seeing was real.

"No." His voice caught everyone's attention. "There is no possible way. There's no possible way Optimus is a chick! You guys are messing with us aren't you?" He had an unstable smile on his face, his voice sounding half crazed. "Ha, oh man, that's what this is. This is just some joke right?"

He looked between the Autobots; waiting for one of them to confirm what he'd said was true. Even the other humans were glancing at the Autobots, halfway onboard with Sam's theory already.

Ratchet and Ironhide frowned, looking both confused and a little bit offended, neither moving to answer Sam. Bee peeked around Optimus, hands gripping the red and blue jacket, blinking at the humans, then at Optimus, then back at the humans. Optimus put one hand on Bee's head, ruffling the blond hair as she focused on the humans, her expression confused, a little hurt, and a little offended.

"There is no trickery Sam." She said slowly. "And I do not see any gain to be had from doing such a thing."

Sam's smile fell, his eyes widened, and his jaw dropped.

"Bu—but… The—there's no possible way!" He looked at the others for support as he tried to come up with a rational reason for this to all be just some prank. "I mean you… robot you's voice, that's a dude's voice…" He settled on, fully confident it would prove his point.

That hope was quickly stomped on by the Autobot medic.

"Optimus has had _her_ vocoder altered so as to be better heard in the field of battle; being able to hear your commander's orders can mean the difference between life and death on the battlefield, so she willingly underwent the alteration procedure soon after the war started. The alterations did not affect her voice specifically, only made it easier to understand, so when speaking our language her voice is still very clearly feminine. We did not account for what it would do to the overall sound in other languages, and apparently when speaking your language the alterations make her voice sound deeper, like one of your earth males. While we did realize this upon landing, we did not believe it to be a problem. And, before you ask, the reason that her holoform's voice is different is because holoforms do not take alterations; they will mimic the original vocoder unless it has been severely damaged, completely removed, or completely replaced." Ratchet told them, his scientific side showing in his words.

Having his previous excuse blown to itsy bitsy pieces left Sam very flustered, scrambling for another rebuttal, lighting on the first one that came to mind.

"But—but Optimus' robot form doesn't even look like a female!" Sam sounded adamant, trying to prove that this had to be some sort of hoax.

"How would you know what our females look like, hm?!" Ironhide snorted with some very prominent hints of anger. Whether he realized it or not, right now Sam was essentially insulting the Autobot leader, and being the devoted, loyal follower he was, Hide wouldn't stand for it. He walked right up to the teen and loomed over him, his whole being radiating dangerous intent.

"We are not formed like you humans," he practically snarled. "So don't assume we are! Plus, haven't you ever heard of body armor? Optimus is leading a war, you expect her to go about unprepared?! Or would you prefer her flashing her protoform like some filthy…"

"Ironhide!" Optimus' voice rang out, cutting off Ironhide mid rant.

He stopped in his admonishment, turning away from the rapidly paling teenager to face the Prime, who was glaring.

"Yes sir." Ironhide ducked his head, obviously receiving the silent message his commander was sending through the glare. He did not regret putting the squishy in his place, even if Optimus did have a soft spot for the boy, but the old mech knew that their alliance was precarious enough with the humans, he didn't need to go out of his way to terrify what allies they did have.

Optimus nodded at the weapons specialist's response, the glare softening a bit as she turned to Sam, only to find Mikaela already there telling her boyfriend off. The female had caught on where her male companion hadn't about the offensiveness of his comments. A loud smack was heard as her hand made contact with the back of his head, jolting him forward as she railed on him for his tactlessness and immaturity. Faced with angry robots and an angry girlfriend, Sam wisely decided to calm down and back off, but not before getting in a couple final words.

"You never told us…?"

"Honestly, we thought you knew." Ratchet said. "We thought it was obvious."

"Apparently we overestimated you humans." Ironhide still sounded upset; Lenox realized he would have to run damage control with his family guardian later. He did NOT want those cannons going off anywhere near his wife and daughter.

"Well, you know what they say about assuming things." Lenox joked, trying to get back to the light hearted mood they'd started with, before catching himself as the Autobots gave him a questioning look. "Er, never mind." He coughed, looking away.

Mikaela rolled her eyes; the men had really screwed things up, no surprise, so now it was time for someone not ruled by testosterone to step in and clean up the mess. She walked away from Sam, shooting him a look that said 'don't speak or else', and strolled over to the Autobot leader, smiling conspiringly as she did so.

"Earth males are morons." Was the first thing to escape her lips, earning a couple indignant shouts which she ignored. "And your Mechs aren't much better." More shouts, this time from the Autobots. "But it really is nice to know that I'm not the only girl here. Despite the others reactions I assure you the holoform looks fantastic, definitely you. We need to set up a girls night out or something to break it in; it'd be a good way to learn about the female earth culture as well as getting away from these pains in the neck."

Bee's blond head popped out from around Optimus at the last comment, pouting at her accusation and earning a chuckle in response.

"Aw, you know I don't mean you Bee." She told him, ruffling his hair.

Bee chirped, smiling again as he still clung to Optimus' jacket. He looked like a little boy playfully hiding behind his mother, only the both of them were taller than Mikaela.

She laughed, removing her hand and looking over at her boyfriend.

"I don't think Sam can take much more excitement today. We should get him home, Bee. And Optimus, I was serious about that night out. We can set a day and I'll work out the details; every girl needs a little time for herself, even in the middle of an intergalactic war." She smirked, earning a chuckle from Optimus.

"That does sound enjoyable." She admitted, making Mikaela's smirk turn into a wide grin.

"Great, I'll call Lenox or something once I get Sam back to his parents, and we can work everything out."

Optimus nodded as Mikaela spun around to gather up her boyfriend, who was starting to look shell-shocked that his girlfriend had just set up a girls night with the leader of a giant alien robot refugee group.

"Come one Bee, you're our ride." Mikaela shouted to the scout.

Bee nodded, glancing up at his leader as if checking for permission. When he got it he jumped up happily, letting go of Optimus' jacket to wrap his arms around her in a strong hug, which was gently returned, before releasing with a salute, his holoform disintegrating as his engine revved to life.

As the scout drove over to his human companions, Lenox and Epps glanced between him and the holoform Prime.

"Bee sure is cuddly with Optimus." Epps said, not really meaning anything by it.

"Well of course," Ratchet said, once more in his robot mode, having let his holoform disappear along with Ironhide. "Didn't you have such a relationship with your mother at his age?"

The offhand comment wasn't very loud, but Sam, sitting in the passenger seat of the Camaro in question, still heard it as Mikaela got in the driver's seat, shutting the door behind her. The last they heard of him was a bunch of strangled almost squeaking noises, and the last they saw was his very, very pale face as the Camaro spun in place before zipping out the open warehouse doors.

Lenox and Epps watched him go, the comment still ringing in their ears with the squeal of the tires, both of them looking at each other.

"Do you want to ask…?"

"No, I think, for now, it would be best…"

"Yeah, totally agree."

The remaining Autobots glanced at the two of them, standing side by side, watching the empty doorway.

"Humans are so weird." Ironhide muttered.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, cause I had fun writing it! Leave a comment!


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